it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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