this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
