didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
