I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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