I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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