walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
