are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
