Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
