There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's great music for shaving your balls
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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