Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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