I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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