...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
