I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize