They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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