Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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