just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
