Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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