I wish my penis had an off switch
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize