Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
