There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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