I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
