You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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