I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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