Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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