About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
