We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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