oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
