I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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