um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
