my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
