Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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