The maid of honor just puked.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
