the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
