K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
