Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
