It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
