Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
