i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
