I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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