remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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