I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
