also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
