That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
