she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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