Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
