She is in my trunk
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
