you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
