My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
