I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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