I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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