i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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