I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize