the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
