She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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