i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
