Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
