HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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