OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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