it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
