We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
