Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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