I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
