I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
