i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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