I hope mine doesn't look like that
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how does that bad decision feel?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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