Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
