I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
