i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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