my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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