He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
