do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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