So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
