Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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