Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
