he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
