I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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