Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
